Golden Arches Now Complete

ST. LOUIS, MISSOURI  Contractors have completed the transformation of the Gateway Arch to the Golden Arches.  As part of the purchase agreement between McDonald’s Corporation and the National Park Service, a second arch was added and the entire structure painted yellow.  “I think it’s terrible,” said area resident Monica Knopper.  “The government sold us out to big business, and I don’t like it.  But I am looking forward to being able to get a Big Mac without having to go all the way down to Seventh Avenue.”

Three years ago, as the recession stressed the funding at the National Park Service, director Ian Trumondo put several national landmarks on the auction block.  “Home Depot bought the Lincoln Memorial, Walmart got the Golden Gate and the Arch went to McDonalds.  In this day and age, with corporate sponsorships everywhere, I don’t see why some people are upset.”

“The attraction will reopen to the public next Monday,” said park ranger Nate Heddar.  “I think once people realize that the second arch also has a tram that they can ride, the other changes will be fine to them.”  The other changes mentioned include changing the adjacent Ray Kroc (formerly Jefferson) National Expansion Memorial lake to a giant deep fryer, complete with over 400 oversized fry baskets.  “As of Monday, we (park rangers) will be required to dress up as McDonald’s Land characters.  I’m Grimace, but poor Paul got stuck as Mayor McCheese.  That head is super heavy!”

 (c) 2010 FUNooze Satire News